'<' '>'

I just found out that if I put things inside the less than and greater than signs and publish my post everything including the signs disappear in the post. That's unfortunate since I know I've used them before in previous posts... This potentially leaves out critical/comical information. But once it's gone it's gone...

Any blogger savvy people out there have any ideas on this one?

Construction...

As the whirlwind of scheisse continues to fly here at work, I had plans to meet with Kai last night for climbing at 8. Earlier in the day it was brought to my attention that there would be a 5pm meeting to discuss the results of the weekends investigations. Ok, says I, 5pm... done around 6:30 maybe... enough time to grab my gear and get to Düsseldorf in time. I walk into the conference room with about 5 minutes to go until 5 and there's 7 guys from the customer and none of my colleagues. The customer say's, 'ahh here's (insert my company name here), now we can start.' Not having any information or being included in anything related to the issue I smiled, laughed, turned around, and walked out. I got ahold of my colleague who said, 'oh... didn't you hear? The meeting was moved to 7pm.' I hand the phone off to the lead of the customer and there's a discussion in Deutsch. Final conclusion... meeting will be moved to 7pm.
Kai - With some Detroit love... haha

Not interested in sitting through a Deutsch meeting and missing climbing I left shortly after 6 and headed to Düsseldorf after stopping off to change and grab my gear. We had decided on Klettermassiv for the evening which is about 35km away. After getting off the freeway I find that the main road that I take to get to the gym has been completely shut down for construction. I'm not too worried as I have my navigation system. The biggest thing is that a bunch of side roads were shut down too. Follow the detour signs you would say, but you would be wrong. There were no detour signs. There was no indication that the road was closed anywhere near it. I tried bypassing it, but the cities, as I've mentioned before, are not set up like a grid. I actually found a road that was not on the map of my navi and ended in a dead end.
I bust a U turn and start reaching for my phone to call for advise and say I'm going to be late when the car in front of me throws their hazards on to talk with me. My initial thought was that it was going to be quite interesting since I don't speak Deutsch. I get closer to the car and realize it's Kai. What are the odds we would both end up on the same road trying to find an alternate route? Needless to say my calls for advise would be in vain since she wanted to know what my navi said to get around the construction. Eventually we gave up trying to get through and went back to the autobahn to go to Canyon in Chorweiler. It was a good time, my arms are tired, and I have a few new scrapes and scars.
Lesson for the day: German's are stupid... who shuts down a major road without putting up a detour?

-Side note about this picture- Kai wanted a photo to show her friends at work so they could put a face with the name. I volunteered to do a staged climbing photo (shown above). There were some jokes about smiling vs. expressions of struggling while pulling through a hard move. Here we settled on an angry face which apparently was quite hilarious to her colleagues.

Breakin the law...

I went to Wertheim on Sunday to meet up with my friend Lili. It's about half an hour outside of Frankfurt in southern Germany. She would make the 5th person I've met here outside of work that I knew before coming. Just goes to show that it is truly a small world. I got there in the early afternoon and her host family took us to this little fair. It was kind of interesting, except we couldn't get inside the monastery that was the center of the town. I did have wild boar meat for the first time, which was very tasty and not gamy like I had expected. It's much better than deer meat. We did the generic family-esque tour of the area and shortly thereafter broke off to wander around Wertheim by ourselves.
The highlight of the town is a crumbling 12th century castle. The town still primarily resides within the limits of the ancient city wall (which is totally gone). The old town is much more like what I'd expected of German cities from my limited, sensationalized, American movie perspective. It also helps that it's more of a Bavarian design which is what most people associate Germany with, other than Nazis that is. The whole leiderhosen and goofy cap is purely Bavarian and here, outside of Bavaria, nobody really likes the Bavarians. I felt that this image captured the general feel of the altstadt fairly well though.
We parked the smart at the end of her street and went on walkabout in search of the castle which I was intrigued by. On the way there, just down the hill from the path, is an ancient Jewish cemetery. Apparently one of the ancient lords had a mausoleum somewhere on the hill near the cemetery, but we failed to find it. I couldn't recognize any symbols that looked like roman numerals or numbers so I have no idea exactly how old the headstones were, but it was fun hopping the wall to get into the cemetery after hours for some good photo opportunities. This also set the stage for our general disregard of the law for the evening.
We stopped for a coffee and fanta at the Burgrestaurant on one of the castle courtyards overlooking the city and valley below. The weather was surprisingly spectacular and the view was great. Afterwards we went into the tourist area of the castle. At the entrance was a turnstile with a €0.50 entrance fee. The issue was that neither of us had €0.50 coins and it wouldn't accept a €1 coin. After a pair of older women exited the area I did a quick check for cameras and then entered through the wide open exit. This lead into another courtyard area with a staircase that had an iron gate screwed into the wall blocking the entrance. There was absolutely nothing else of interest. At this point I had to comment about how I'm glad I didn't pay the €0.50 to get in otherwise I would have asked for my money back.
Undaunted by a little 4' high gate I jumped over it and helped Lili over. I figured if I was going to illegally enter a tourist area I might as well take it to the limit. We climbed the stairs and wandered around in the upper reaches of the castle which was spectacular as well. The views were very nice and with the slight adrenaline dump of possibly being caught made it quite the adventure. That and I was wearing my old Livonia Brown black leather jacket. I need to get a fedora or some other signature hat.

We finished with a walk through town and then it was time for the long drive back home. Just to come in today for the beginning of a terrible week at work... but that's another story...

F this...

I just got back from work. It's about 8:40pm. At this time I should have been arriving in Regensburg about an hour out of Munich at my friend Doris' with my friend from Mexico enjoying a nice evening of catching up and prepping for Oktoberfest tomorrow. Of course at about 2:30 I got a call about a car with an issue that was similar to one we saw before. I got down there, assessed the vehicle knew what was wrong with it and proceeded to call my friends and let them know I would be absent tonight. What a shocker, when trying to get ahold of the home base for support nobody was answering. They were discussing the previous meeting in which, once again, I was singled out as being useless because there's an issue that nobody wants to assist me on solving and I can't do it myself. I'll quote my boss from the meeting on this one, 'yeah, whatever,' which got a good rise out of the customer.

I finally get the failed part out of the vehicle for analysis and now the plant manager on down is getting involved. People started getting called back from holiday etc. to discuss this issue... blah blah blah... I find the root cause and the solution. One person from the customer recognizes me for it, cool... 'You're the man,' he said. Finally the rest of my home base shows up as I'm dismantling another vehicle to demonstrate that my solution is correct. It is. I pull apart two more vehicles, A ok. Now there's a big round table discussion going on in German. The last direction I received was we need to put the cars back together. So I begin that process while another person walks away with one of the parts meaning I have to walk about 2 miles round trip to get a replacement. The asshat wouldn't even let me look at the part before he walked away so I could make sure I grabbed the correct replacement. Regardless, I go back to work, a few minutes later I look up and everyone is gone. Swell says I, leave the guy who figured this all out to do grunt work. Although had I followed I would have understood about 50% of what was said, until I tuned out for not being included in the discussion. In addition I would have had to go back and repair the vehicles afterwards and it might be 11 pm instead of almost 9.

I had just finished putting cars back together when one colleague came into the test area and acted all proud when he said he was going to take apart 2 more cars and pull the latches for him to investigate at home tomorrow. Thinking, 'wow that is stupid,' I recommended he just pull 10 latches from the production stock, check them, and take the 1 or 2 that failed home instead of spending another hour opening doors. He ignored me much like everybody else here. I then walked away to get some food thinking it was a good time to eat in case things would take longer. On my way back to my desk I ran into one of the customers who mentioned a meeting Sunday at 11 am. I got to my desk as my customer counterpart was leaving and he said nothing of the meeting, just asked if I was leaving yet. Now the question becomes, I know about the meeting, but was not invited by my company and I know it'll be in deutsch. So do I back out again on my friends for the Sunday reschedule to attend or do I say F it since nobody from my company cared to include me on anything today and tempt the fates with a firing? Keep my luck in mind on this one... My weekend is pretty much shot since Sunday would not be that exciting outside of an opportunity for human contact outside of work that will speak English with me. Decisions, decisions... I've been reading about all the economic mess in the states and it might be mildly difficult to find a good job upon returning, but at the same time I find it very hard to care...

What does this all mean? Livonia Brown is a sad panda... I will be actively seeking gainful employment elsewhere when I get back. The only question now is if I'll be doing my search from the unemployment line... Stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of Livonia Brown hates Deutschland!

Bums...

Köln is one of the largest cities in Deutschland. As you would expect with any big metropolis there are quite a few beggars, bums, and miscreants. One important thing to note is that there is a population of beggars that really defy what begging is about. This group seems to not just be down on their luck, as they say, but chose to lead a pan handling lifestyle. Earlier in the week I saw the standard falling down drunk guy, sleeping in a doorway, but there is another type. Outside of the local Rewe (my grocery store) there usually sits a couple of 'punk' type kids. Torn clothes, piercings, colorful hair, etc. They have dogs and are usually hanging out talking with cups for change out in front. Usually they have beers or snacks which confuses me as to why people would give them money. I act like I don't understand when they try and ask me for money when I'm passing by for groceries.

The cream of the crop though are not this gang, but two others that I've seen in the past 2 weeks in my wanderings of the city. Last week I saw a girl and her dog sitting in a busier area with the change cup out front. When I passed by later she was still there, but had two handy's (cell phones) out and was talking on one. If you're begging for money and have more cell phones than I do, why would I give you money? Also, an interesting note on this one is that Germans have the most cell phones per person in the world, averaging just over 2 handys per person.

The best example though of a beggar I've seen was sitting in the punks spot last night. Imagine King Hippo from super punchout sitting on the sidewalk leaning against a wall. His gut almost eclipsed his legs as he was sitting indian style. How does a beggar grow so large you may ask? But that's not the point of the story. A lot of people here will play music on the street to get change, which is acceptable, except when they make their kids do it (see previous entry about German laws). There was a pretty awesome guy in Düsseldorf Wednesday night who was playing the guitar, harmonica, and singing (I tossed him a few coins). Now I'm getting off track though. King Hippo had a boombox, and a nice one too. Instead of singing along or dancing he was merely rocking out to some crazy tunes while shaking his change cup to the beat. I only wish I had my camera to capture the hilarity of the situation. That video clip would have been worth a Euro or two...

Oh Snap...

I finally snapped at someone today. I was in that same meeting that two weeks ago was held entirely in German except where they made fun of my lack of understanding. Last week I skipped the meeting and took a half day. I returned today in at least a decent mood. Not much was actually bothering me as I got my allowance today and a free lunch. The meeting wasn't too bad actually, only 80% German and 20% English as they actually had to ask me some questions. However, at one point, much like always I was trying to make a comment when everyone sort of ignored me and started talking over me. I tried again to ask a simple question when a colleague began to argue with me without me finishing my thought. It was about that time I got really pissed. Then unfortunately he asked what was my question, at that time I tried to keep my mouth shut and replied, 'I have no question.' Smiled, closed my notebook, and put my pen down. At that time he switched back to German and I caught 'don't understand' and 'scheisse.' At which point I said in a flat clear voice, 'du bist scheisse,' with a big grin on my face. That's when the 20 seconds of complete silence followed and for the first time people paid attention to me. He was pissed, I felt a little better. I apologized after the meeting, but again, he was still really pissed. It's unfortunate since he was one of the few people that was nice to me here... just the wrong place, the wrong time, and I hate this place.

There however is light at the end of the tunnel. Time is flying and what little time I have left here has become completely booked. Today marks the 1 month remaining point. October 24th people... October 24th... huzzah!

Epic FAIL!!!

I ruined another car today, which makes 4 autos I've been involved with that have suffered serious damage since I've gotten here... As a quick recap, we had the Opel Corsa that I took off roading for some under body damage. Das Smart einz which lost the back window. Das Smart zwei which lost 5th gear. Now this... unfortunately I didn't have my camera, nor would I have been allowed to take a picture, but the bunny gang would have had a great time with a photo of me standing in front of the car giving the Livonia Brown Rockstar Approval. (Look... a picture of when I had meat on my bones!)

Good news: it wasn't my Smart that was damaged...

Bad news: it was so new that it was in that gray area between leaving the factory and being on a showroom floor.

Ever seen that Carfax commercial about the flooded out car where they originally have major water damage then write new upholstery? I was in charge of retrofitting a vehicle for a water test today...

Lets back up just a second before everyone thinks too poorly of me. Yesterday, all pissed off about not climbing, I went on walkabout around town scavenging for food. In my wandering I found one of the emergency pharmacies that was open on Sunday. Seeing as my cold meds ran out Saturday and I didn't sleep at all due to a racking dry cough that only occurs when I'm ready for bed, I stopped in. Great fun ensued as the pharmacist spoke broken English and I spoke broken German. But after a short dialogue with grunts and a brief argument about 3x2 not equalling 9, but 6, (I won and it wasn't my pronunciation that caused it) I walked out with some sinus stuff and cough suppressant candy. This morning I woke up, actually sleeping through most of the night, very groggy. I spent all day with everything moving in slow motion and my muscles twitching. Feeling like they needed to be stretched, but when I stretched they ached and didn't feel any better. I still kind of do feel like that, but whatever back to the story of the fourth damaged car...

I retrofit this vehicle, put everything back together, and give it a cursory once over. I submit the car to a guy I can't talk to since he doesn't speak English for a water test. This test being a 20 minute simulation of the worst possible deluge of rain a car can be expected to withstand. The idea was that I opened up about a 1" diameter hole in the panel that protects the wet side of the door from the dry side. This hole being internal to the door in between the outer sheet metal skin and the plastic trim panel that you see from inside. Should there be water leakage into the interior the test is a fail. I leave as the test begins to grab a quick bite then head back to the test station. The guy gets in the car and yells... he comes back with a foam pad to put on the seat since it is wet. Mildly confused as to how water could get on the driver seat I guess the test is a failure. After he pulls the car out of the booth we notice about an inch of standing water on the floor in the rear. He finally notices that both rear windows are open a crack... hence the Epic FAIL!

What could I do but laugh... then there's some discussion in German... discussion about how the car is no longer saleable... discussion about how the interior needs to be replaced... then the thoughts of who's paying for this one come to mind. But fear not constant reader, for I luckily work in an industry where the destruction of a car results in a few jokes and a conciliatory pat on the shoulder. After shop vacking out the standing water and removing all of the seats and carpeting, a quick phone call was made and new parts were delivered to replace the wet ones. After a large es tut mir leid, a handshake, and an awkward silence since there really was nothing else that could be said, I slinked back to my desk. So now my shame is contained to the test guy, the foreman, and now all of you.

If anyone's interested in magic cough drops I will bring some back and sell them at a small premium... tell your friends!

das vierte Reich!!!

Everyone grab your guns, and head for the hills...

das vierte Reich ist gekommen!!!

Yet another priceless photoshop image brought to us by Antonio... and the letter Q... Inspired by the letter C...

C is for Cmer... say it with me kids, C-mer... well done

3 words...

I hate hippies... (except the kinkster of course)

I'm aggravated enough that I'm not going to make a long diatribe like I'd predicted... Instead I submit this since I couldn't find any clips of Cartman professing his hatred for hippies. This is not for children, but will make everyone feel a little better and/or disturbed. hehe...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKuDYbnXBJQ&feature=related
*Chris Walken scene in Pulp fiction*

and this for the kids...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMZwZiU0kKs&feature=related
*Fatboy Slim - Weapon of Choice*

Ok, after watching the second one I feel better now. Time to forage for food...

101st Post!!!

Well constant reader, it looks like we've passed the century mark... I would have actually had a post celebrating the 100th post if I noticed it when I made the last one, but everyone makes a big todo about 100... 101 is better... hehe

Today was a beautiful day. I slept in a little bit, yet still got an early start on the day. Calvin told me about a sweet burg that he'd visited in his time here in Germany so after finally getting the name of the place from him while I was back home today was the day for the visit. Originally I'd planned on going last weekend, but was totally miserable on Sunday. Still totally miserable, but with some aspirin, I made it down there today. It's called Burg Eltz and is a 12th century castle. It's nestled in a little valley which was a nice hike down, but in my weakened state, quite the pain coming out... similar to Muir valley in the RRG...
I had intended to park in a small neighboring city and hike to the castle, but without addresses, or any knowledge of the area, I simply plugged the castle POI into my navi and let it guide me... well at least until it wanted me to drive through a field with two tire ruts in it (how is such a road on the maps in my navi?). At that point I gave up, turned the navi off, and drove around until I found a sign that said Burg Eltz. I had researched this one so I had an idea what to expect, but was unsure of whether I would have to take a Deutsch tour or I could get an English tour... I didn't really expect there to be that many people, but I was wrong and they had rotating English/Deutsch tours every 15 minutes. After a brief taunting from the rampart... something about our mothers being hamsters and our fathers smelling of elderberries... a brief rain of catapulted cattle, chickens, and swine ensued. Finally we were allowed entrance after being taunted a second time. (name that film)
Since the castle is still privately owned, having one section of the 100+ rooms closed off as the families vacation home, there were no pictures allowed inside. Being part of a small group with the guide always watching I actually abided by the rules this time so no pictures of the 500+ year old furniture, paintings, interiors. Some interesting points were the main meeting hall, the kids room with one of the oldest 15th century beds still intact, and the trophy hall. There was a 20+ point buck antler hanging, as well as an early 1900's elk antler that was bigger than me hanging on the wall. The three families that comprised the original owners of the castle were obviously filthy rich. There were tapestries from Belgium, France, china from China (18th century). After a brief duel between the butler and a Scottish lord regarding the sale of the tapestries we concluded the tour of the castle proper. (name that film)
The last part of the tour was inside the treasury for those items that were, 'so expensive that they required proper containment,' as the guide put it. That was cool. I did take pictures there since there were not any 'no pictures' signs. The highlights of that were the old time weapons that had actually been used and all of the gilded silver items. Again... These people were filthy rich. Check out the 5' tall gilded silver statue (above) at the entrance to the treasury and the full suit of gilded armor. I think they have more gear than the treasury at Aachen, although not quite as historically significant as pieces of Charlemagne.

So I had lots of good history today, now it's time for a nap then I'm going out on the town with Kai. Jokingly she commented that we would leave for climbing tomorrow around 5am. My response, 'so I guess I'm driving then and we're not sleeping tonight?' It was a good laugh. Expect pictures from the Eiffle sometime Monday, or nothing at all should the weather turn bad or I fail to summit any of the routes... in that case expect a diatribe of my disappointment with hippies and pointless protests... though the cops did shut down part of the city as a result of the protest today... still, hippies...

You decide...

Which is better A or B? Afterwards, which do you like best A, B, C, or D? And I don't want anymore of this crap 'oh I read your blog, but am too embarrassed/important/busy to comment.'
1) You can post anonymously
2) No you are are not
3) If you're reading it, you're slacking off and have time to comment. Full stop.

A

B
C
D

Amateur Photography...

So of all the hundreds of photos I have taken I still believe in the general rule that if you take enough pictures you're bound to get a good one. I think when I get back home I'm going to have to look at scraft and see if they have a digital photography class. With the advent of 35mm CCD chips film photography is going the way of the dodo. But after a long discussion today with a colleague I think that this could be a nice (cheaper) hobby. Although it would mean me dropping a couple g's up front on a digital SLR and lenses. These past two weeks I haven't been doing much travelling or anything interesting so there haven't been so many photos. However, from the first nice day since I got back I did capture this gem. It's the view from my usual sitting spot for relaxing and people watching in the city center.
Wednesday when Kai and I were on walkabout she pointed out the following building (I've come to find out it is called the Triangle tower) as a good opportunity for a photo op and view of the city. We could have gone up it then, however, I left my camera in the car and I figured if it was that good, I would rather be able to share it with everyone than to go and look by myself.

She also pointed out a section of the remains of a 2000 year old roman wall that is conveniently located in an underground parking structure... hehe... The history is that the Romans built it to deter the natives across the river from attacking, yet at the time those natives did not even have the ability to build with stone... When we got there a guy was giving a guided tour and we stopped to bask in the history. He looked a little miffed and I was tempted to say, don't worry I have no clue what you're saying. After the tour moved on Kai said she was tempted to say, 'don't worry he can't understand you and I already know it...' hehe...
Yesterday was reasonably nice so I bailed on climbing solo to go on walkabout in town for the second day in a row and get to the Triangle tower. It was nice early winter weather where with a jacket standing in the sun I was warm enough. I took the €1.5 sub ride to get to the applehoffplatz which is the closest I can get to the city center without changing trains. It's about a 5-10 minute walk to get to the dom and mein platz. Regardless of the fact that I see the dom driving home every day it's still an amazing sight to behold. Every time I'm downtown I'm drawn to it and tend to go sit inside after I finish my rest at my seat. I like it second best after the Colosseum in Rome. I haven't been to Egypt yet, so I'm not sure if the pyramids at Giza or the sphinx is the best in the world, but right now my list for buildings is the Colosseum, Kölner Dom, with the Louvre in third.
After another 15 minute walk across the bridge to the bad side of the river I made it to the Triangle tower shown way above. A €3 ticket got me to the top. In retrospect a cloudy day or a time when the sun is not setting would have provided for much better pictures. Mostly due to glare from the sun and reflection of the building in the back on the glass enclosure that prevents people from falling. I took about 30 pictures from the top and had only 2 useful ones. Although the one above actually got a comment from a colleague of mine, 'what are you doing here? You should be a photographer.' After I explained why it was a technically good picture. He laughed and said there should be no technical discussion about pictures. The funny part is I have a similar shot that's not technically as good and when I said, ok pick which one your gut tells you is better. His choice was of course the one above. Also shown here is a nice view of the city slightly north of the dom. I don't know the name of any of the buildings, but that's the Rhine at the bottom. Hopefully everyone enjoys the pics. If not... I don't care :-) Cheers! heheh

Actually now that I looked at the thumbnails of the disputed pictures I like the other one better...

Sup?

Don't really have much to report. I got another question about my health insurance and its usefulness here in Germany. I think I might go in to the office and tell them they need to fly me home to go to the doctor if they want to keep complaining about having to pay for my medical bills here. I am sick... I didn't ask to get stuck here so I don't want to hear any crap about if I wasn't here they wouldn't have to pay anything. As a matter of fact when I get back home I'll make that same comment with the addition, 'if someone thinks otherwise you should look into checking their mental capacity and ability to sustain life, let alone work here,' to our HR people, well, just the one who made that comment ;-)

Went with Kai yesterday to buy a rope for this weekend. Although she's already set the stage for bailing. Apparently there's a big demonstration in Köln Saturday that she wants to attend, which leaves Sunday. This really chaps me since the original plan was 2 days of climbing, now I might get 1. At the same time I could have gone somewhere exciting instead...

The remaining game plan is as follows - This weekend climbing (maybe). Next weekend Oktoberfest in Munich. Prague for October 3rd bank holiday. Oslo, Norway with Tommy. Farewell BBQ at Jörg's house. Home for the UofM MSU tailgate and possibly the Julien Halloween bash where I can defend my title from last year. Now all I need is some camo pants, black boots, and a washable black marker mustache to complete my costume... sig heil...

Almost finished!

Follow up... (Sick...)

I made it to work this morning. Pretty close to on time too. Yes I'm crazy. It took me a while to figure out what was going on with my phone this morning... I figured it out after a minute of blankly staring at it... the alarm was going off ;-)

Indeed I still have a fever... and the only cure for that fever is more cowbell! I'm a little surprised nobody had made that comment from the post yesterday. I didn't think of it until this morning, but that's also because my brain has been simmering on low for quite some time now. For those of you that are Christopher Walken fans I submit this (Originally found by Littlerwinks and in my Inbox this morning of all times):

http://www.morecowbell.dj/
For your listening pleasure -
http://www.morecowbell.dj/listen?id=BsWLa

Anyway, I figured coming here would be a good option for getting some aspirin and I was correct (Hooray). Although I've come to find out that although a prescription isn't necessary for aspirin here, without one I would have to pay the full price for it. I'm assuming therefore that it would be in the >€30 range for a bottle. Since the average person pays about €600 a month for their health insurance here it would seem that they make the most of it. Note that their employer is obligated to pay the other half (also €600). It's kind of interesting that Americans, in general, will pay far less than that (I pay about 6% of that) yet when I'm sick my last option is going to the doctor. I'll spend at least a week being miserable and eating cold medicine like candy before I go to the doctor. Even more interesting is that it would seem a trip to the emergency room in the US is dominated by patients without any health insurance... So I leave you with this - I got something similar forwarded to me a while back and thought it was funny and fit well with this topic:

For the next time you have to go to the emergency room in the US. Should you want to jump the line and not have to wait more than 4 hours I suggest you go to the following site and purchase the following piece of flair to add to your jacket ;-)
http://www.correctional-patches.com/federal.html

Sick...

I woke up this morning with a fever and a sore throat. So I did the usual karate kid bandanna soaked in ice water to make it through the night. When I got up this morning I realized it was Sunday. Did you know that in Germany no pharmacies are open on Sunday? Even better, the only place to buy aspirin etc. is at a pharmacy. There's no CVS or over the counter drugs available at any of the other stores. Not to mention that there are no other stores open, besides Dönner shops and fast food joints. So instead of taking some aspirin and going to Burg Eltz (look it up) and doing some hiking, like I had planned, I've been relinquished to the couch with a wash cloth on my head getting up to open or close the window depending if I'm having hot flashes or the chills, my other option being a trip to the emergency room for some aspirin... No wonder why everyone here always has an angry look on their face. This place is stupid... seriously...

Hilarious...

Apparently someone who did a search for 'dildozer assblaster' was referred to my site... thanks Antonio!

Seriously?

Driving into work this morning really tired from another excellent BBQ over at Jörg's last night I was listening to the radio. Kid Rock's Sweet Home Alabama rendition came on einzlive and I switched over to BigFM. Regardless of the fact that Kid Rock is from the metro Detroit area I still don't like his crappy music. Sweet Home Alabama obviously is not an exception to the rule although I do like the original version. Unfortunately, it's the summer of Kid Rock here in Germany and ze German's apparently have a bigger hardon for Kid Rock than they do der Hoff... Once BigFM switched over to the traffic stau report I flipped back to einzlive (there are only 2 good radio stations in my area). I caught the last few notes of Sweet Home Alabama when the announcer came on and made the statement that Kid Rock's song is typical American country music. A fan of pretty much all music except country I could not personally validate this statement, but based on my knowledge of Kid Rock's usual crap I figured the statement was quite wrong. So I pose the question to any country music lovers out there that are familiar with Kid Rock's crappy rendition, 'would Sweet Home Alabama by Kid Rock be considered typical country music?' Carolyn, I'm thinking of you in this instance. But as many people who have opinions and want to share them with me or everyone are welcome to respond.

Grand Prize...

While professing our love for dönners at lunch the topic of conversation turned to race. It started with an anecdote about a mayor of a major German town making some disparaging comments about Turkish people (remember a dönner is a Turkish sandwich) and how amazing it is that someone with those views can advance that far in politics. Of course I had to inform my counterpart about the unfortunate reality of things. With this topic we eventually segued into a discussion about Nazis, their continued presence throughout the world, racism, and Hitler. It turns out that much like the Chinese censorship over all things democratic, ze Germans censor most things Nazi related... A quick check back through the photo archive shows that the communist stand in Berlin had 'Russian' items only, whereas in Rome you can buy a pocket watch with Hitler's face on it... For instance, in the newly released Call of Duty , which takes place in WWII, ze German copies of the game have the swastika removed from the German flags etc. So if you're playing online in the states with some Germans here, your screen will have swastikas on the German flags while theirs do not. What does this rant about censorship have to do with the grand prize you may be asking yourself... In jest it was suggested an autographed copy of Mein Kampf be the grand prize for the comment contest. The problem is that with the censorship of ze Germans, I cannot purchase Mein Kampf at the local bookstore. A non-German copy wouldn't be nearly as hilarious a prize so it's back to the drawing board.

BERLINROME

Also an interesting query that I must follow up on: What do they teach in history class in Great Britain? How do they treat the American revolution and such events as the Boston tea party? History is usually written by the victor, but at the same time, what do the history books of the loser say?

A little whine with my cheese...

I got to see the sun for the first time yesterday since getting back from Michigan. It was still bitterly cold in the morning, but by afternoon it was mildly comfortable outside. Supposedly the weather is going to get better for Thursday. Which doesn't really mean anything since I'm supposing that the weekend will be cold and rainy. Although I did spend most of yesterday looking into a flight to Mallorca for next week where the sun is always shining and the party never stops. Unfortunately it would cost me about €400 ($600) between flight and accommodations for 2 nights which is a bit outside my budget range. Also, I would have to call in sick for 2 days to make it. This wouldn't be a problem, except Jörg would be there leaving Frank as the only person covering. I already know if I asked for a day off the answer would be no so I would have to just not show up. The biggest gripe I have is that all the Germans can schedule time off or just not show up... or when they do show up, it's not until after 9am. For instance tomorrow I have to take care of expenses and go to Heiligenhaus, but I have to get up even earlier to stop by here first so someone else can get their beauty sleep. I'm counting the days till I get home...

I got my haircut yesterday before climbing. It was interesting and a bit scary when the non English speaking hair stylist pulled out a straight razor to trim around the edges. I'm still wearing the corporate American hairstyle, but at the same time it was sad looking in the mirror. I'm getting old... in fact my hairline seems to be running away at an exponential rate. I think I might have less hair than the big guy, but at least mine is still one color... hah... Anyhow, here's a few more bullet points of things that annoyed me that I'm too lazy to write about in full -

-'Friend' is no longer hosting me for the Oktoberfest but at least I got a reply in under 2 weeks regarding the matter
-Colleague whom I have to meet with I finally called and got, 'oh that's right you emailed me,' shortly after asking why I called (My email requested a response).
-No response on business related emails.
-Yet again I've gotten a comment from someone within my company about, 'when are you going to have another chance to come here?' at the same time I ask for time off and am denied.
-People who were adamant about going out after work when I got back from the US are now too busy, yet still surprised that I don't like this country or the vast majority of it's people... (I've got roughly a dozen exceptions)

I feel like Milton from Office Space... I can get away with it too...

Guten Morgen!

This weekend was a little bit of all right. One friend bailed on me Friday, but I also had an invite from Jörg to go out to the Löwenthal in Essen which is still sweet. The mix of ages, cheap drinks, and good tunes make it a pretty relaxed environment. Although there's always the random German that talks to me that I have no interest in talking with. Unfortunately my response of I hate your country wasn't enough to make them go away. I did manage to stop a beat down though, which was good. I made it home about 4:30, but couldn't fall asleep until about 6:30.

Needless to say Saturday was pretty well shot, well, at least until the night rolled around. I went out with Jörg and one of his buddies Guido (I honestly have no idea how to spell his name, nor pronounce it properly. I did have to fight the urge to pronounce it as Gweedo which was funny). So Guido picked the spot, this time in Wuppertal at a place called Musikdorf. Joerg looked it up and gave me a call to be prepared for anything as it looked like the age group and music would not be up to our mutual tastes. He of course was correct as if the class of the clientele was a bit higher it would have been a good spot to hunt for cougar. It was interesting for all of an hour then the music turned bad. The name for the type of music/dancing there is Discofox. Disco should be enough explanation even though there was no disco music. They did do the electric slide (I think that's the name of it anyway), which oddly enough, I learned how to dance at my going away party.

The only other significant point of note was that Guido is a very shy guy. He apparently is a great dancer (Discofox style, his freestyle is not so good) and really wanted someone to dance with. He's on the tail end of a divorce and apparently has been out of the game for a while. So I asked him which girl he liked, (already knowing the answer ;-) and went up to her:

'Entschuldigung, Sprechen Sie English?'
'Nein.'
'Uh... Möshtest du gern tanzen mit mein Freund?'
'Wo ist Ihr freund?'
'uh... (don't know that answer) schwarz... uh...'
'Ahh... später.'

Unfortunately that was a polite no, but at least I made the effort on Guido's behalf. It was just amusing that I know enough German now to cause trouble. Once again I got back home early and slept most of Sunday. My friend who bailed Friday, during our conversation about them bailing, said they wanted to reschedule for Sunday and they would call on Saturday. Never heard a peep all weekend... so I spent Sunday relaxing about the flat. I went to bed at a reasonable time yesterday hoping to get some z's for the long work week. It was a good idea until I woke up at 4:30 this morning and couldn't fall back asleep. I ate the remainder of anything resembling food in my flat and watched married with children until my alarm went off. Which brings me to now where I'm ready to crash finally. Only 8 more hours of work until then... hehe...

Livonia Brown's going to Norway...

Indeed... Although I'll be flying, not riding a turtle across the sea. I have just booked my flight to visit Tommy, whom I haven't seen in about 5 years. I thought I was getting a good deal with my €60 flight, but it seems by flying cheap airlines (Ryanair) I should have done a bit more research. It's a €25 train ride of 2 hours from the airport to the central station which seems a bit excessive, but whatever, too late now. In the end, although transit will take longer than going to Rome, it'll be significantly cheaper. Not to mention I have a free floor to sleep on while I'm there. Shortly after booking my flight which is in mid October I sent a note off to the US saying that any time after I get back to Germany would be a good time to fly home for good. We'll see how that turns out, I'll keep everyone posted. Regardless I've been talking with Tommy and our evening has already been decided upon and I'm going to get to wear a kilt to the club as street clothes are strictly prohibited. Unfortunately there will probably be no pictures of me in leiderhosen so me in a kilt will have to suffice... sweet!

Summer is over...

With global warming causing massive losses in arctic ice cover (see cnn.com) and global temperatures rising, summer is over for me and it's only September 4th. Yesterday when I landed in Düsseldorf it was chilly outside, but not quite jacket weather. By the time I got back to my apartment a chilly rain was falling. As I dragged my suitcase out of my parking structure and started the one block walk to my apartment the wind picked up as did the rain. I went out with Kai last night for a drink and a snack. By then it was really cold and even with my ancient leather jacket I was shivering outside. A topic of discussion was the weather and how today was going to be very nice. That means it's not raining (yet). When walking into the office I noticed many leaves on the ground and quite a few trees that had turned color. But it was kind of hard to see through the haze of my breath in the frigid morning air. All those that still have some warmth left cherish it and consider yourself lucky.

On a similar note, I was eating breakfast with some guys from the office and they asked me how the weather was (referring to my holiday). I simply told them their country sucks.

Ich bin im Deutscheland

Made it back safely so I can start the countdown until the trip is over. I met a very interesting guy on the plane. Originally from California, lives part time in Germany, and is an actor. He will be in the new film Milk. Regardless he apparently found a real steak house and gave me his contact info to get directions from him later.

The results of weight guessing contest are as follows:
Following price is right rules, the closest without going over would have been the Kinkster with a guess of 133. However upon weighing out MI put another 2lbs back on me which is good. BBQ's every day and about a cows worth of beef took care of that. Anyway, it's time for a nap, it was great to see everyone that I did and I hope to see everyone I missed upon my official return.

Cheers!